Um, so the skin “irritation” from radiation has become very intense. It is scarlet red, and it burns and itches. This is not like any sunburn I have ever had. That analogy just doesn’t cut it. It’s more like the area was hit with a blow torch (OK, so maybe that is a tad extreme, but it’s bad). It is slowly becoming all-consuming. I wish I could post a picture, because it’s insane looking, but that would be sort of X-rated, so instead I am posting a picture of a tree that I took on my walk with Tiggy.
I have been getting a therapy called “bolus,” where a wet towel is draped over the skin. You might think this nice soothing wet towel provides an extra layer of protection, (this is what I thought at first), but what it actually does is allows for a full dose of radiation to be delivered directly to the skin’s surface. The bolus mimics tissue, essentially fooling the radiation beam, so that it deposits the maximum dose on the skin’s surface instead of a fraction of an inch deeper (as it would otherwise). This therapy is used for breast cancer, because of the potential for skin involvement in a possible recurrence. A skin reaction is inevitable in this scenario. This is particularly bad news for someone who had chemo prior to radiation. This is worse news for someone with sensitive skin.
Here is a list of things I feel like complaining about:
- I got breast cancer, WTF.
- 80,000+ chemicals have been introduced into our environment since 1900.
- My skin is on fire (see above).
- I have a stiff neck and am feeling concerned about possible ongoing tightness/problems after radiation.
- I am starting to feel fatigued. This is a serious bum-out because I was on such a high from having regained my energy after chemo.
- I am starting to hate the phrase “new normal.”
- My high-fives and toasting to the end of BC treatment feel a little premature at the moment. I think I underestimated radiation.
- I am ready to get the final reconstruction surgery and wrap this up, but I have to wait 6-8 months for the skin to recover after radiation. I am also worried that the skin might not fully recover.
- I feel pissed off that I have to get radiation in addition to the chemo.
- I am worried about long-term effects of the chemo and radiation.
Here is a random list of things I am thankful for (this helps me to balance things out):
- I caught the cancer early.
- Chemo is done.
- My friends and family.
- I had an awesome trip to NYC with Andrea and it was great to see Courtney, Joe and Alicia.
- Food tastes good again and I’m going out to dinner at Acqua Al2 on Christmas Eve with Jim and my folks (anyone tried it?)
- Food tastes good again and my folks are cooking an amazing Christmas dinner out in Annapolis on Sunday.
- Alcohol tastes good again and I bought some nice Prosecco for Christmas. (I seem to be obsessed with my sense of taste at the moment.)
- Little things seem to be giving me more pleasure.
- I feel less anxious and more grounded in general these days.
- My hair is starting to grow back.
- Tiggy is hilarious.
- Ty is home.
- I like people at my work.
- I found a great yoga teacher.
- My house is clean.
- I had a nice lunch with Liz O. today.
- I have a week off, thanks Threespot.
- I love cool sunny days.
- I have fresh crisp white sheets on my bed.
- The rash on my chest is not on my face.
OK, I feel better. Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday. Peace.
Oh man, that sucks. I’m glad you have such a long list of positives, but I know how something like that skin irritation can be all-consuming.
I have some Miaderm for you that my mom doesn’t need anymore. She also said she found aloe, straight from a leaf, very soothing. Of course, I know every case is different, but don’t know if you’ve tried that yet.
I’m so glad we got to go to NYC last weekend. I had a blast too!
Xoxoxoxoxo,
AZ
Thanks AZ! I actually ordered some Miaderm, but it’s taking forever to get here, so that would be awesome if you could bring me some. I’ll try the aloe too! Tell your ma I said thanks. Xoxox, Al
God, Al, you continue to amaze me. I’m just impressed that your list of things to b*tch about is as short as it is … pretty sure I would have filled up a whole book by now. The blistering, peeling bark of the tree you photographed of course makes me think of your beautiful, tender skin getting nuked over and over and I just ache for you. I wish I knew of some way to soothe the physical discomfort for you. And, I realize, that in some ways, the emotional upheaval is more distressing than the physical. Actually, you sound remarkably “balanced” considering all you’ve been through. Please know you are loved and that we are continuing to send positive and healing thoughts your way. Looking forward to giving you a hug soon…
Awww, thanks Missy! Can’t wait to see you.
Allison, I’m sorry to hear about all of the side effects you are experiencing from the radiation. Although your skin was probably already compromised because of the chemo — try the miaderm and aloe, I hope it helps. Don’t use anything at least 2 hours prior to treatment. Apply the miaderm in the changing room right after treatment and then alternate with the aloe 3 or 4 times a day. I will continue to pray for you to help get you through this. Love, Mrs. Z PS You look great!!!!
Andrea brought over the Miaderm (and the cookies!) and the aloe was a great idea, Thanks Mrs. Z!!
Today they gave me a prescription burn cream called Silvadene that I am supposed to start using on non-treatment days in addition to the Miaderm and aloe. I also know I need to be drinking more water and trying to get more exercise (or should I say trying to get some exercise, I’m not working out much these days!)
If words were swords you’d have slayed bc by now. You are a wonderful, wonderful writer, Alison.
It was good to finally get my arms around and see your lovely face in person after accompanying you on your journey heretofore in spirit only. A real joy being with you and Ty and the rest o’ The Clan as you channeled your inner city self at Mimi’s party. Hope the skin irritation is lessening by the day and that you will move closer to feeling as pretty as you look. love you, Dede
awwww thanks Dede! I loved seeing you too! I hope want to see more of the Danforth’s at Craigville Beach in 2012! XOXOX, Al
Hello Alison,I wanted to write to you as your blog truly tuhcoed my and helped me turn from tears and sorrow to taking a more optimistic and brave approach to my own Breast Cancer diagnosis. I hope it is ok I wrote in this section. I couldn’t find another, more appropriate, comment link. My name is Sandra and I am 36 years old. I just turned 36 last November and I have a 9 month old daughter names Maxine. 4 weeks after Max’s birth, at around week 4, I noticed a lump in my left breast but was told by my doctor It cannot be Cancer, it would not have grown that fast I was breastfeeding and was told the lump was part of the breastfeeding.Well guess what, 8 months later I mention it again to my GP and after a referral to the breast clinic, a mammogram and an ultrasound I was diagnosed on January 11th with Stage IIb, grade 3, 3.1 cm Invasive breast cancer with possible Lymph node involvement. ER PR positive.My blood, CT and Bone scans are clear, Thanks God.Since then I was a mess, I had to stop breastfeeding my little girl and everytime I looked at her I would crumble into tears. My husband is great but all this has been very taxing on everyone as I am sure you know. By the way, I live in Canada. I got my first round of chemo on Jan 20thI googled -Chemo Day 7 a few days ago and your blog popped up. I read it all that night and since then I am trying to emulate your positive outlook. Your blog really helped me and I wanted to thank you for that.It doesn’t help that you look gorgeous with a buzz cut and bald head! I hope mine is not too much like that Darth Vader pic. Yikes!So here I am, reading your blog and trying to be strong. I have 5 more rounds of Chemo to go, lumpectomy, possible lymph nodes removal, Radiation and Tamoxifen. My Oncologist told me we did not have time to harvest eggs so I am hoping my eggs are still viable at the end of all this and we can have more children, we were going to start trying again in April of this year.Anyhow, thanks again for your inspiring blog and kudos on your positive vibe. You will get through this and at the end of this difficult road there is a new and better “us”.Sandra
Hey Alison…a long time ago Jenny passed along your blog website to me. It’s really amazing and I was just thinking about you and thought I would check and see how you were doing. (you know its a small world at Sibley sometimes). I hope you are doing well. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you! and I hope you aren’t feeling too stiff…although that is normal. I hate the “new normal” phrase too and I avoid using it at all costs. I think we can say that stiffness after radiation is normally abnormal. But it is something that should get better! If it doesn’t let me know!! Even though stretching is important you can only do so much while your skin is that irritated so don’t feel like you have to push it. Call or email anytime! Hope you are feeling better soon! Amanda (OT—just in case you are like who is this? haha)
Hi Amanda! So good to hear from you. After my skin heals up, I might want to come in for some more sessions with you if my left side is stiff and maybe after final reconstruction too! I was doing the stretches you showed me, but then backed off because the skin felt like it would crack if I stretched too much. Would love to see you again soon! Thanks! Alison
You are still one of the funniest people i know. Add that to your positive list.
This made me “lol” (I hate using that):
“… but that would be sort of X-rated, so instead I am posting a picture of a tree that I took on my walk with Tiggy.”
the radiation sounds awful and I am sure you are ready for it to just be done. It’s good that you can remind yourself of the positive things too. sending love…
Thanks Kathy Oz. You are one of the funniest people I know! Was awesome to get to hang out on Friday night, we need to get together more! XOXOX