So I did finish radiation mid. Jan., and besides a geometric shaped suntan, my skin is all healed up. My left side is definitely tighter than the right and I know I need to get back to my physical therapy protocol. I also want to start exercising, but I am so tired after work, I can’t swing it right now.
I “eased” back into work trying to stick to a part time schedule for a while, but that proved to be hard to manage. My job is really not a part time job. I am now back up to full time at work, and I guess probably like everyone else, I am having good days and bad days. I still don’t feel 100% and I’m pretty fatigued at the end of the day, but it is nice to be engaged again.
At the moment, I have a wicked cold/flu type thing that has been hanging on for a week. Not fun. It has given me flashbacks to chemo. I am really sick of being sick, I’m over it. I also started having stress dreams about a possible cancer recurrence and people I care about getting diagnosed with cancer. I wake up in a cold sweat. Last night I actually had a dream that my dog and my brother both got diagnosed with lymphoma, WTF, not cool. Now I am wondering if I should be in therapy. So yea, I have that going on right now.
So what can I say now that treatment is mostly over and I look back on what was a really strange 2011? I still remember when I first heard the cancer diagnosis and then the word “mastectomy”, I couldn’t believe it….I still kind of can’t believe it. But I will say it is amazing how you adjust and recenter yourself. The funny thing is that I never felt brave or strong at all, but you kind of surprise yourself when survival mode kicks in. There were also great gifts through the journey; periods of deep calmness, expressions of so much love and appreciation for things in a new way.
So yea, I think this match can safely be called now. AQ vs. BC. By unanimous decision, the judges award this one to AQ. Yea, I did that.