I met with a great group of women last week who were all just finishing up treatment like me. Margie Stoner, at Sibley runs some terrific support groups, and this one was really just what I needed (thanks Jennie for suggesting that I go!)
I hadn’t cried in a while and it’s amazing how the littlest things can trigger the emotions to come flooding back in. When I started describing some of the women who have found my blog and who have told me that sharing my story has helped them, tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t finish my thoughts. What I really wanted to say was that I am so appreciative to be able to connect with people on this deeper level. And it makes me happy to know that I have reached people and made a difference.
It seems that some of the women in the group had the same feeling I did, that this whole thing should mean something, that something amazing or profound or different should be happening in our lives post treatment. I don’t want to lose the perspective that I’ve gained and I want this experience to mean something.
I feel like I need deeper connections with people. I feel like I don’t want to waste time with pleasantries. Let’s talk about what makes us scared and what makes us happy. Let’s be ourselves without filters.
Since the filter is off, here is tonight’s stream of consciousness. I am pissed off that my left arm is getting really tight and that I am losing some feeling in my fingertips. I am pissed off that my arm and shoulder and chest that used to feel so strong and stable feels vulnerable. I really don’t want to have chronic problems. I heard the song “You’ve got a friend” tonight and it reminded my of my Aunt Deb who I miss so much. I know she would have given me the biggest hug after all of this and I wish I could get that hug right now. Writing this through lots of tears. Love you Deb and love you all.
Sounds like a great support group and a great group of women. Your blog has definitely helped me, so I can just imagine it’s helped others as well. Thinking of you often!
Thanks Kristy! Thinking of you often too!
Hey Alison
I am so glad you attended the group. Margie also has the on-going young women’s group that you may find helpful too. If you have any suggestions for her about on-going issues you and others may have dont hesitate to mention. We shake things up a little when patients let us know what is needed. This transition time at the end of treatment is as stressful as the beginning and feels a little confusing, so you are normal.
I think of you often especially with my tulips in full bloom. When you and your mom planted bulbs I made myself do the same. Everything always got in the way of putting aside a little time to do this. Tulips are my favorite flower. Thanks for reminding we all need to take time for the simple pleasures in life. Sending you a cyber Hug 🙂
JT
Hi Jennie-
Thanks. There are lots of weird emotions surfacing at strange times post treatment. It is good to know that it is normal to have some issues once all the nurses and docs leave you to your own devices. I was actually in to see Dr. Magnant a few weeks ago, I tried to stop in to visit, but you were with a patient. I will try again next time I am in!
Oh, I am so glad you planted bulbs too! This makes me happy.
Sending the cyber hug right back to ya!
XO Alison