Breast Feeding

I got a lot of notes from people with regard to #8 on my lists of twelve things I am noticing post BC treatment:

“8. I feel sad sometimes that I won’t ever be able to breast feed. I don’t have any immediate plans to have kids, but it still pops into my head at times.”

I have thought about it a bit more, and I think the underlying issue is that I am mourning the loss of a functioning part of my body that no longer functions the way it was intended to. I actually don’t believe that I wouldn’t be able to bond with a baby (if I have a baby that is). I feel like a part of my youth and vitality has been stripped away and it makes me angry/sad, but I am working on accepting things as they are. I can’t change it, so I’ve just got to be OK with it.

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5 Responses to Breast Feeding

  1. Shakti says:

    I’m sorry. I’d love to talk about this with you. I have a sense of failure and guilt about my limited, partial success at breastfeeding. So it could help us both to talk.

  2. Sandra says:

    Hi Alison,
    We wrote maybe a year ago when I was just stating out on this journey. I had Stage 2 BC and was starting chemo when we wrote. My last Radiation treatment as august 31st of lst year and I can relate to your last posts. I found it awesome that I too have no hair on the lowerhalf of my armpit and my left armpit feels numb still as well. it is wierd to connect on the small unique and wierd things we experienced going through this. I thought I would write as I too was touched by your comment about breastfeeding. I often think of you and the chance you had to preserve some eggs before going through Chemo. I am 37, was 36 at diagnosis and doctors strongly recommended I do notdo fertility treatments before starting chemo as they thought my breastcancer may have spread. I am now infertile and cannot have any other children. I do however have a wonderful 2 year old ( she was 8 months when I was diagnosed) that I did have the chance to breastfeed until she was 8 months. I do feel sadness when I think I could only breastfeed until 8 months but I am glad I had the chance to at all. My husband and I are in the process of adopting from Kazakhstan as we always wanted a big family and we were in th process of trying to get pregnant when I was diagnosed. Not only will I not get the chance to breastfeed but I cannot have any biological children and that is my biggest thing to mourn after this whole ordeal. Bottle or breast will change nothing I promise to the love you feel to he child you choose to have. I wish I had the chance to use a surrogate and have my husbands and I’s children but it is not in the cards for us. We are embrasing this new journey to adoption and I am sure that we will love our son just as much as our daughter.
    Breast Cancer takes a lot from us and I just wanted you to know that I can relate to what you are going through, I feel for you. You have a friend up in Canada who wishes you the best and understands the loss of that part of you.


    • Alison Q. says:

      Hi Sandra! It’s so good to hear from you. I almost missed your note in the sea of SPAM I get in my blog comments. It really is nice to be able to connect with other women who have been through this, it’s a very unique and emotional experience that really doesn’t end when active treatment is over. I am sorry about your fertility loss post treatment, but happy that you have your daughter and that you are continuing with your dream of having a big family through adoption. It makes me happy that you still follow my blog 🙂 I am inspired to continue to write. You also have a friend down here in Washington DC. Hugs, Alison

      • Sandra says:

        Hi, What a change to he face of BC when the “sexiest woman alive” undergoes double mastectomy! I think its so great she went public with her procedure. 🙂
        my email is if you want to message me privately.


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