I Have What?!!

At the urging of my friend, Courtney, I “allowed” my mom to come with me to my first mammogram appointment (although I didn’t think it was necessary). On May 26th, my mom and I headed over to Sibley Breast Health Center for my exam. I was nervous, but I reassured myself that everything would be fine.

I headed to the back with the nurse and changed into a gown. Sitting in the back, I got more and more nervous. My legs shook a little bit. They called me in and put a lead skirt on me. I approached the gigantic mammogram machine, and the technician and I chatted while she manipulated and squished my breasts from all different angles. First the left, then the right. Actually it wasn’t so bad.

Pleased that I completed the mammogram, I headed over to the sonogram room. I felt more relaxed, I had done this before, and it wasn’t invasive or uncomfortable. They keep the lights dim in the room with the sonogram which I like. I relax on the table staring at a picture of a tree-lined path. I zone out for a while, and then I realize that I have been lying there for a quite some time . What was taking so long?

45 minutes later, in walked Dr. Zuurbier.  “Hey there, I know you,” she said “you are supposed to be coming in here with cysts.”  “Yup, you are my little cyst former” (I thought that was quite a nickname for me, maybe my husband would like that one, “my sweet little cyst former,” …awww cute). She didn’t stop talking. “I’m not going to lie, I don’t like what I see on that mammogram. I’m pretty sure you have breast cancer. Yup.” This is the point where you might imagine I panic, but I don’t (I can’t really explain this. People who know me would imagine that this would be the exact moment where I totally freak out).  She asks me if I want her to grab my mom from the waiting room.  I told her not yet.

Dr. Zuurbier keeps talking as she grabs the wand for the sonogram. “You probably don’t feel lucky, but I gotta tell you you are in my top 5 luckiest patients of all time.” She starts to scan my left breast with the sonogram wand and keeps talking as we both sit there in the dark looking at the monitor. She scans over the lumps I found, and they look like round black rings. Dr. Zuurbier explains what she sees on the monitor.  “Yup you see those lumps you came in for, there they are,  yup, those are cysts … Man, I would have looked at those and just sent you on your way.” She continued as she carefully slid the wand, smiling and shaking her head in disbelief  “But you see over here, this tiny little area, this is a little mass, it’s about 1.3 centimeters, yup there it is…man I gotta tell you, I never would have found that if I didn’t know what I was looking for. I gotta tell you, I am never going to forget you. I don’t believe in chimes or incense, but you’ve got some kind of guardian angel.”

She explained that the mammogram alerted her to something the sonogram never would have caught. I had calcifications in my ducts that were scattered all over the left breast. It kind of lit up the mammogram with these little grains of glowing sand. This is not a typical looking mammogram for a 34-year old. The calcifications she saw are called Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS), or intraductal carcinoma, which is breast cancer in the lining of the milk ducts that has not yet invaded nearby tissues. This might also be called “Stage 0 breast cancer.” If it doesn’t invade nearby tissue, it’s not technically a problem, but mine had. In addition to DCIS, the mammogram also showed Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) in the area where Dr. Zuurbier was looking at the 1.3 centimeter mass.

“Man, you are lucky” Dr. Zuurbier was still stunned.   “You aren’t going to die from this,” she said. I sat there in disbelief.  What is she talking about? I know I am not going to die from this, I am perfectly healthy. Dr. Zuubier scanned my armpit.  “See this looks perfect, perfect lymph nodes.” She was still shaking her head.  “You would have come in here at 40 for your first mammogram and been in really bad shape.”

I must say either it was shock or I had a spiritual experience. I felt a warm energy all around me the whole time I was in the sonogram room. I felt protected and safe. I actually felt calm and relaxed and I knew everything would be OK. I wondered if my two aunts who had passed were protecting me. Maybe they were my guardian angels? These are not feelings or thoughts I normally have. Whatever it was, it protected me. Dr. Zuurbier asked if I wanted her to go get my mom. I nodded. I walked out into the hallway, and as soon as I saw my mom we both started crying and quickly she was holding me in her arms. I felt like a little girl again for a moment. It was going to be OK.